Dear Other 49 States,

On behalf of the state of Kentucky, I would like to apologize for failing to accomplish the one task we were set with during this year’s election. Knowing that Kentucky would inevitably go red, the one valuable contribution we realistically could have made would be to oust that selfish country-music-loving lady, Mitch McConnell. Granted, a lot of the reason McConnell was/is such an evil bastard was/is because of his close ties with the soon-to-be-former president. Without Bush around anymore, McConnell might not be quite such a plague upon our nation. But probably not. He’ll probably still be pretty awful, especially considering the shitty and desperate situation the past 8 years have left the Republican Party in. As far as I can tell, McConnell doesn’t fool with things like “standards” and “morals” and will do just about anything to promote his hate-mongering, narrow-minded, pig-headed hawk agenda. So, sorry about that, rest of the United States. We really fucked that one up.

Sincerely,
Katie

PS. For the record, I voted for Lunsford.