I keep two pretty well maintained lists of likes and dislikes on my facebook profile. I recently added the item “everything ever written by Nicholas Sparks—I’d probably even hate his grocery lists” to my dislikes list, which gave me a grand idea. I’m pleased to present Nicholas Sparks’s grocery list:

messages
bottles
a row boat
milk
Depends
sand
Sweet N Low
tea
cancer
warm frisee salad
a rainstorm
candles
Splenda
more cancer (just in case)
a dozen cases of wine (hee hee)