How to win at book club

Although I’ve been an avid reader for most of my life, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally got around to joining a book club. In school I was obnoxiously opinionated and, for the life of me, I couldn’t manage to keep my mouth shut even when I knew I should. What’s more, I felt like my college English classes sucked all the joy out of reading, picking at luscious passages until only a few hollowed-out dry bits remained. I had always assumed a book club would be just like that: all the fun gone from my favorite hobby and me at my worst, my annoying loudmouth tendencies stretching their wings and taking flight.

When I moved across an ocean to Amsterdam, though, I was so eager to meet new friends who shared my passion for reading that I was willing to risk it. Together we plowed through the awkwardness of those first few getting-to-know you gatherings, weathered the silences in the wake of the first book everybody hated, and all managed to stay friends after the first book that divided us clean into two camps of opposing opinion.

My book club and I have been going strong for a while now, and these are the things I’ve learned that help keep us happy and healthy.

1) Have some structure. Flexibility is a must-have, regardless of the situation, but bringing some structure to your book club will provide a solid base to rely on. If the moderator gets sick, if you have fewer people in attendance than usual, if you don’t know how to start talking about the book, or how to stop… There will always be exceptions and special cases, so having a basic structure will keep you on track.

For example, you might want to establish guidelines on the genres you’ll read (or won’t read), how often you’ll meet, what time the discussion will begin (pro tip: we plan for at least half an hour for chit-chat and latecomers before we dig in), a scoring system to summarize your opinions, how you’ll determine who picks the next book, etcetera.

2) Shut up. If you don’t immediately know which person at your book club is the obnoxious loudmouth (and there’s always one) that obnoxious loudmouth is probably you. Your enthusiasm is welcome and contagious, but who knows what brilliant insights the person in the corner might have? If only they could get a word in edgewise…

3) Speak up. Conversely, if you can’t remember the last time you said anything at book club, let your voice be heard! Sit in the middle of the group where you can be a part of the action and jump in. As a loudmouth in recovery, I can tell you firsthand that we want to hear what you have to say. Don’t be intimidated and remember that differing opinions are a big reason why people join book clubs in the first place.

4) Show up. Sometimes going to a book club meeting can feel like going to the gym. You know it’s good for you and you’ll feel energized afterwards, but the motivation to get there is eluding you. Remember that the others are counting on you to share your brilliant opinion and are genuinely looking forward to your presence. The ones who weren’t able to finish the book are still welcome to join us for our meetings, and even those who didn’t start. If that’s you, ask if it’s okay to come anyway. You might find the conversation interesting regardless and chances are everyone will just be happy to see you.

5) Be an advocate. Whether you’re fighting for the devil and suggesting a counterpoint or setting up your friend to share their perspective, supporting opinions that aren’t your own help keep the conversation lively. Maybe you can find sympathy in the character everyone seems to hate. Maybe you remember a personal detail about someone in the group that might shade their insight in an interesting way. Even if you’re not formerly moderating the discussion, helping move the conversation along benefits everyone.

6) Get to know your book club outside book club. Agree to a no-spoilers-outside-regular-meetings policy and find out what else you have in common beyond the book you’re reading. Finding out more about your fellow readers will help you understand their point of view and make it easier to be an advocate for them in the future. An easy way to get more social is to have the group go see the movie version of a popular book (and these days there’s always a movie version). Bonus points if the movie is based on something you’ve read together.

7) Be prepared when it’s your turn to lead. The best book club meetings are those when we can’t stop talking. Just when we think we’ve found some resolution, the moderator leading the discussion will bring up a new question or idea and we’re off again. On the flip side, when all you’ve got are a few questions with yes or no answers, the conversation is going to fizzle fast. A good rule of thumb is to have more questions prepared than you know you have time for. Better to run out of time than things to say.

8) Relax. A good book club will challenge you, but at the end of the day it’s supposed to be fun. People are going to disagree and, if you’re lucky, it will get heated. But as long as you have a sense of humor and empathy, and allow yourself to be open, you’ll have a great time. Enjoy the pleasure of having your mind changed and try not to take any of it too seriously or personally. Following the tips above should help.

Happy reading!

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